`We wish you a black Christmas.` Not from us at Peoples Post, of course, but that must certainly be what Eskom has on the cards for us. Somehow, between the collective effort of incompetence by our two beloved monopolies, Eskom and Telkom, we miraculously managed to get a paper out this week.
Both of these monopolies let us down for three consecutive days - and it's not like we could stick it to them and take our business elsewhere either. Or could we?
I can only imagine what life would be like if we boycotted those two agents of disappointment.
The day would probably start a few hours earlier. We would collect some wood, build a fire and heat up the water for a shower and a cup of coffee.
Every woman who has ever had an obsession with straight hair would have to ditch her straightening irons and swirl kous for her natural curls.
Children would have to trade their laptops for old-fashioned books. For the younger generation: Books are those square things with two hard covers, and pages inside.
The pages contain al kinds of information, like that found on Google. In fact, books may be the source of most of that information on Google.
They may seem intimidating at first, but hey, I found them pretty useful growing up in the pre-internet era.
Then there's life without telephones. And while we're cutting off Telkom, we may as well protest and get rid of our cellular phones too. We all know we're being screwed over by the those network providers too.
This could be a bit tricky, but beneficial all the same. Remember when we used to visit our friends when we were "just in the neighbourhood"?
These days, when I'm "just in the neighbourhood" I find myself parked on the lawn - yes, I'm well aware I may look like a stalker - and call the person I intend visiting to find out if they are indeed home; home being a few metres away from me.
Without the power of cellphones, we'll be set free, I tell you. No angry lovers tracking you down to the pub, when you should be meeting his or her parents.
No mum checking up on her teenage children while they're out with friends while they should be studying.
And most of all, no annoying boss interrupting while you're negotiating your way around that 19th hole on the golf course instead of being at a management meeting. Yes, there are indeed many benefits to boycotting the monopolies that be.
But then again, I don't like chopping wood, I get annoyed when my e-mail is down, I hate driving somewhere and nobody's home and without my cellphone I would die.
So let's hope the giants get their act together - or get some worthy competition.