IF I tighten my belt any more, I'm going to rearrange my organs and crush my spine!
Save money, they tell us. Save energy, they tell us. Save water they tell us. Save, save, save.
Sure, Powers That Be, we can be good citizens and do that for you. No problem.
Many have said that they've already eliminated all forms of luxury, and cannot find any more corners to cut. Well, I disagree.
Firstly, lets start by saving water. Yes, lets encourage incest, and have an entire family shower together. Or if bathing is more your scene, why not let hygiene take a back seat for a while, and share bath water with four to six different people.'
Also, we shouldn't waste precious water by drinking it. Oh no. The perfect substitute would be vodka. Think about it.
It's the same colour and everything. On the plus side, making your morning cup of coffee with boiling vodka instead of water, should make your working day more pleasant.
The perfect way of saving money - and also the only place left to cut down on expenses - is to cut down on your monthly grocery shopping. Each household spends thousands of Rand on this wasteful thing each month.
Why not save that money instead, and take full advantage of the ever soaring interest rate.
And who needs to eat when we can help our economy thrive and stay slim at the same time. I hear Kwashiorkor, apparently, is all the rage in many African countries, why should we be any different?
But for those of you who insist on eating, children are another black hole when it comes to money.
So if you have more than one, keep the eldest, and sell the rest into slavery (preferably somewhere in Eastern Europe, so the little brats have very little chance of making it back home).
As for electricity, and the imminent increase of 57% in tariffs... people should spend more time lying in the sun, soaking up solar energy - and catching a tan at the same time.
And by doing that, we won't be inside doing mindless electricity guzzling things like watching television, listening to the radio or working on our computers.
Everyone is complaining about the increasing fuel price. I don't think it's going to relent any time soon. So we may as well get rid of our cars.
Again, this will free up thousands each month. Just to wrap up what we've learnt so far about saving: We should all: sell our cars, save the money, quit our jobs, drink vodka in the sun, not eat or bath, and sell our money guzzling children into slavery.
Is that tightening things up enough, dear Tito?